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Do what you love, and the money will follow.

Okay, that’s just nonsense! I’ve heard that advice (or variations of that) for so long now that I forget who first told it to me. And while I think it’s well intentioned, I think it’s also misguided. I mean, of course it sucks to feel “trapped” in a job and it’s much better if you can find a line of work that you really enjoy.

But here in the wonderful world of capitalism, not everything that a person loves to do is an income generator (I’m especially thinking of people who like to paint, or play tennis, or grow tomatoes, for example). I mean, there are just a lot of awesome things in this world that are worth doing just intrinsically.

The reason I mention this, of course, is that I love leading Weight Watcher meetings. It’s hard to describe how much personal satisfaction I get out of working with people, practicing my emotional and communications skills, and just exploring the world of behavior change. Truly, it’s a blast.

But (no offense intended to the company) the pay is lousy. Especially if you live in a high cost-of-living area like San Francisco.

Fortunately, there is an up side to this. Essentially, anyone who works on staff is doing it because they find it so personally rewarding. Yes, we get paid. But no, for the most part we’re not in it for the money.

The fact is, it is hard work to run a group meeting, simultaneously providing emotionally present customer service, while also running a cash register, completing all of the record-keeping, etc. My personal way of describing it is to call that kind of work an “emotional transaction.” Quite often I’m dealing with a person’s innermost psychological life, while also trying to count change. It’s a special set of skills (which can be learned, by the way).

But it is also really, really exhausting.

For example, I think the four meetings I ran yesterday totalled about 150-160 people. Now I didn’t have to take care of each one individually. But I did process a ton of people at the scale and I did work with everyone who stayed for the group discussion. Since I’m doing a lot of subbing this week, I’ll be doing another five meetings or so before the week is out. And that’s a lot!

But there must be something that keeps me coming back, since I’ve also agreed to do a whole slew of fills for the week ahead. So I’m in for a lot of craziness (and not a whole lot of moola).

But as a friend said to me once, the good thing is that “if you love your job, you never have to go to ‘work’!”

Probably the main reason that I ask to be a mentor to new WeightWatcher leaders is that I have certain values and standards that I want to impart to them. That may sound a little vain or ego-centric. But what I’ve seen out in the field is that some staff people, in their eagerness to do the right thing, are actually missing out on some important, teachable skills (like active listening, for example). So my thought is that if I can get to them from the start, maybe I can be a positive influence.

Of course, it’s so much easier to SAY something than to DO it.

Recently I’ve been working with an awesome new leader, Rhonda, who is not only very inquisitive, but is also really open to new ideas and strategies. As a result, I’ve noodled over a bunch of things with her to figure out how to handle a variety of situations. In the process of thinking through these things, I realize that there are plenty of opportunities for me to improve myself.

The way I see it, the biggest mistake that most of us in this line of work make is to assume an “authority” position. It’s so natural, because there we are, standing up in front of the room, leading the discussion. It’s understandable that people look to us for strategies, answers and solutions. And from what I’ve seen, most of have an impulse to offer advice, because we are”people pleasers” genuinely interested in helping others.

So when someone presents me with a problem, it can be really, really hard for me to stifle my instinct to problem solve. After all, I’ve heard (or experienced myself) pretty much every complaint, problem, or obstacle by now. It SEEMS like the right thing to do is say “Oh here you go, I have your answer!”

But what working with Rhonda has reminded me is that the real answers are those that lie within the person asking the question. Because behavior change involves a strong element of self-reliance. No one can force you to change against your will. It seems counter intuitive, but probably the best way to assist someone is to start asking them questions, and to use their answers as ways to ask more questions.

Even if (or perhaps, ESPECIALLY if) that person is asking about a medical or nutritional concern, a group discussion leader isn’t the right person to provide those kinds of answers. This is hard for me to remember, because I’ve read and heard so much about weight loss and health that I have a strong temptation to start relaying that knowledge to people.

The fact is, however, that being a good listener and questioner is most clearly superior to being a good talker.

Yesterday, for example, I had two situations where people came up to me after a meeting with a very pressing concern. In both cases, the person was essentially trying to prove that WeightWatchers won’t work for them. My first thought was to say “Oh yes it will, just give it a chance!” (Which, to be honest, I have said to many people on many occasions).

Instead, I had to stop myself and start asking what they meant, and listen for clues. While I’m not sure that I truly helped either person, by stifling my desiree to contradict them, I allowed each one to be more articulate about the problem at hand. So at the very least, they had a clearer picture by the end of our short talk about what they need in order to be successful. Afterwards, I felt confident that at least I had done no harm!

The bottom line is that, as hard as it can seem, when the world asks for answers, you gotta give ‘em questions.

God must be looking out for me! A chunk broke off of one of my molars today — but fortunately, it happened right at a time when I was able to make an appointment and see the dentist. And even though it was his day off, he opened the office up so he could fix my tooth! The rest of my week is pretty crazy busy, and if it had happened either then or (god forbid) while I was out of town last week, that might have proved disastrous.

So the only bad news about the whole thing is that I broke it on a crunchy piece of granola, which I really had no business eating! (Since I’d already had a huge breakfast of an omelet, strawberries, and an english muffin)

Of course, the first thing that popped through my head when the fracture happened was “Oh my god, I won’t be able to eat at all today!” Forget the pain, the inconvenience of a dental visit, the cost, etc. I was worried about …FOOD! I mean, I actually started to get depressed, just thinking about it!

In the end, I had nothing to fear. I rode my bike to the dentist, and on the way back I stopped at a bike shop to pick up a part I needed. So by the time I got home, the novocaine had worn off and I was able to pick right back up where I’d left off.

Eating.

Okay, I admit it, I am a total USER! Yesterday at the weight loss meetings I led, I had the members talk about an issue that I was trying to resolve myself! Namely, how to GENTLY get yourself back on track when you’ve strayed. To be fair, a few people had mentioned this sort of concern to me prior to each of the meetings, but the fact is, I used the group discussions to help me come up with ideas on how to forgive myself and get re-started.

And thanks to them, I had a pretty decent Saturday. For one thing, I made some really healthy food choices, and for another, I was able to avoid some of the sweets/carbs that have been plaguing me lately. And, perhaps most importantly, I re-started my moribund food journal.

I have to hand it to these folks, they really helped me out!

During my week out of town, I definitely bumped up my exercise, but I also ate a lot of junk that I normally wouldn’t have. So when I got on the scale and saw pretty much the scariest number ever, I got really worried. (Okay, maybe not *THE* scariest, but still pretty out concerning).

What I needed to do was not “batten down the hatches” and try to force myself back into a strict routine, but instead to carefully steer myself the right way while using some positive self talk. That’s a hard thing to do after a lifetime of dieting. Back in the day, after a big weight gain I might have tried to fast for an entire day or something crazy like that.

Now what I know is that what matters is long-term consistency. And the only thing that seems to work for me is a lot of encouragement, a dose of courage, and a fake-it-til-you-make-it attitude.

That’s probably why I got up this morning and went for my longest run ever — sixteen and a half miles! And not only that — later on when I was at the market, I was about to justify buying a monster cookie ($4!!) but instead talked myself into getting a salmon teriyaki bowl.

TGI Thursday! I’m happy to say that my intensive week of consulting is over, and that my (small) part went well today. Since I am actually subcontracting to a consultant, this has sort of been his opportunity to kick my tires and see if he wants to work with me again. I think tonight when he said “I’ve got enough work to keep you busy for the next two months,” I got my answer!

When I flew out to this meeting, I had very little idea of what was going to take place. Not knowing any of the participants in the start-up, I had only the vaguest notion of what they’d be doing. It turns out, that this experience gave me a chance to witness the birthing of a new entity, with all of the pains and joys that such labor always brings.

Now there are plans in place and targets to be shooting for. I don’t know if the team involved will come through with everything they said they should in the next few months, but I’m looking forward to finding out! I’m rooting for them, as they are a great group and have a mission statement and values that resonate with me.

What I also didn’t know was that coming out here was going to challenge, fundamentally, my plans for the future.

The last time I was out of work in 2002, I was adamant that consulting was not for me. I had no contacts, I didn’t know what services I could sell, I didn’t want the bother of finding clients, and I was really hungering to be surrounded by a team and not be working by myself. I struggled for two years trying to make ends meet until I found my next full time position.

This time around, I have been feeling pretty much the same.

Until now.

Having watched a company trying to take off, and having been among a team of people paid to help that process, I’m now starting to see concretely some things that had been abstract up to now. Namely, what it takes to go into business for yourself. There are aspects to it that concern me, but I think the downturn in the economy was my wake up call. There ARE no risk-free options.

I don’t know what this has to do with my being a Weight Watcher, except for the fact that I had a mixed bag of successes and failures with food this week. About 90% of the time I stuck to super healthy options and was really smart about choosing good and tasty food. And then about 10% of the time I completely sabotaged my efforts. Like today, when the conference ended, and I went into town to reward myself by purchasing four jumbo bakery cookies and eating them all right on the spot.

What I’m doing is exploring scary things about myself and my future. So while I have some really good instincts about taking care of myself, there’s a part of me that craves SUGAR as a means to make it all better. I’m really glad that my good behaviors are so deeply ingrained. At the same time, I need to extend them even further.

‘Cause it sure is easy to do a lot of damage with that “other” 10 percent!

Today was another interesting, and exhausting, day of intense meetings. Late in the afternoon, after the work stuff was over, I was settling into the idea of skipping my exercise today. I have been eating a little bit too much lately (not excessive, but still ….) and it’s left me feeling a little lethargic and bloated. But as I was finishing up a few things in the living area of the B&B we’re staying at, I saw one of my colleagues dash out in her jogging gear.

Now this woman is a busy working mother with her own company and huge list of priorities and pressures. But even though she’s a few years older than me, she’s in excellent physical shape and has a beautiful, lean look. And as she passed by me, a twinge of guilt tugged at my soul.

If Jane can do everything she does, and still find time to put herself first, shouldn’t I be doing the same? Especially considering my life is a lot easier than hers?

So, instead of going to dinner with my friends, I went to my room, put on my running shoes, and did a quick 6 miles. I still had time afterwards to meet my friends for a drink. And by that time I actually felt a LOT better.

Apparently, on some occasions, guilt works!

This week I’m more or less sequestered at a conference whose mission is to move the participants in a start-up company from the conception-phase into the fully-launched stage. Since I’m just contracting to do a small piece of the social media puzzle for them, I get to be in on the discussions but am not necessarily required to go through all of the steps they’re doing. In the meantime, I’m getting a lot of time to observe and learn things about what makes or breaks a situation like this. I’m not a trained sociologist, of course, but I find it fascinating.

I think the people that are attracted to this kind of business are generally either (1) really interested in entrepreneurship or (2) out of work and not really sure what to do next. [Full disclosure, I’m definitely #2]. But regardless, there is a combination of both high energy and great tension as they work through identifying the concrete individual steps that need to be taken and to put those onto a timeline for action.

It’s not easy to start a new business, and it can be painful to watch.

In an environment like this, food is obviously very significant to me. I’m interested to see how people’s moods affect their appetites, what things they like to have, and how meal times are structured. Since different teams are preparing lunches and dinners on different days, it’s a mixed bag.

And, frankly, since a number of these people have privately come to me to ask about joining WeightWatchers, I can’t help but think how the choices they are making now are affecting their weight (and their health). Not surprisingly, there’s a split between people who are healthy eaters and exercisers, and people who ….well…. who aren’t.

One reason I’m happy to be accomodated off-site from this retreat is that I can quietly prepare my own food. So I’ve been to the supermarket and have loaded up on staples like salad and yogurt and fruit. As a result, when we have these group meals, I’m able to be a non-hungry observer. I’m tempted by some things they’re eating, but over all, I know I’ve had enough and am satisfied. Tonight, for example, I was able to forego the vanilla ice cream and rum raisin cake. I don’t like EITHER of those things, but I’m sure if I’d been hungry I would have wolfed them both down.

I can’t say for sure what lessons I will learn out of all of this (esp. since I’m here for business purposes), but I think I’m getting good insight into group food behaviors. Especially the social pressure to eat, and the EXTREME social pressure to eat everything when food is prepared and served communally. I want to see how the healthy eaters are able to navigate this while staying a part of “the clan” and not offending anyone.

And if I figure that one out, maybe I’ll start writing a book!

One of the biggest challenges to maintaining a healthy weight in our society is the gross misconception about what constitutes “a meal.” At the event I’m attending this week, it continues to be lasagne, bread and salad at lunch every day. Fortunately, today I brought a bottle of water, some crackers and an apple (to supplement the salad). But people really seem to have no clue.

Several of the people who “confessed” to me their “need” to go to WeightWatchers subsequently told me that this week they were “on vacation” and so were going to eat whatever they wanted. Naturally, I smiled and nodded my head politely.

Except, hello? We’re not on vacation, this is a business event!!

Tonight’s business dinner was at an overpriced resort restaurant where the portions were pretty much on the extravagant side and no vegetables were in evidence, unless they were soaked or cooked in butter. It was perfectly lovely food, but it didn’t meet any sort of health guideline (no whole grains, no monounsaturated fats, no lean protein, no fat-free dairy, etc.).

I mean, it’s not a sin to eat this kind of stuff, but it’s not what we should be living on for our daily sustenance.

To that end, just a quick anecdote. Yesterday at a restaurant I asked for my “dressing on the side.” The waitress brought me just what I asked for: a salad soaked in a gallon of dressing, with a nice, petite little cup of EXTRA dressing on the side.

Being held “food hostage” is one of my least favorite things about business events. Although we are in a small town and there is a supermarket within spitting distance, our meals are all eaten and prepared communally. In the spirit of “team building” a different group is assigned to make the main meal each day. Last night was cheese lasagne, heavily buttered garlic bread, and pre-dressed salad. And that was it!

Fortunately, I slipped out to the market on day one and (thanks be to god!) where I’m staying there is a mini refrigerator, so I was able to buy some fresh fruit, yogurt, low calorie Wasa crackers, mixed greens, and salsa. It’s amazing how far you can get with just a few staples like that!

On the upside, our meetings have been pretty much all business, and because they’re being held at a condo on the edge of town, there have NOT been the usual kinds of pastries/snacks/sweets sitting around to tempt me all day. In fact, yesterday we went for almost five hours without a break. (Works for me, I had an apple and a granola bar with me).

I haven’t been able to go running, as our time is pretty tight, but all things considered, if it was a choice between taking a half hour to eat well and a half our to work out, I think the former beats the latter. I can’t imagine how many hours I’d have to run to burn off a big slice of bread dripping with butter (ick).

Because we are doing some important “bonding” exercises, I decided to “come out” as a WeightWatcher leader. More than anything else, it was to keep myself accountable. It’s easy enough for me to scarf down unhealthy food with the excuse “nobody here knows me!” Now that I’m setting myself up as Mr. Health Guy, it keeps me doubly honest.

Another funny thing — while I have been feeling bloated and have been looking at myself in the mirror with dispair and angst, one colleague (who’s known me for 8 years) said to me last night “I have to give you credit because you’ve done an amazing job of keeping your weight off.”

I’m happy to report that, rather than saying “Oh no I haven’t, you should see how tight my pants are and my body is all saggy and I’m 5 pounds over where I should be” I simply said….

“Thanks!”

There’s a lot to be said for starting the day off in a healthy way. Unfortunately, today I started at Dunkin’ Donuts. To be fair, we got off the red-eye in Boston quite early and hit the highway in our rental car long before either of us had our first coffee of the day. Within 30 minutes or so, we both knew it was time for a java break. Devin got a McD’s breakfast, while I opted for a muffin and coffee from DD’s. I started off feeling a little holier-than-thou, but that was before the sugar bomb hit me and I spent the rest of the day trying to slay that particular demon.

Why is it that sugar demands more sugar?

At any rate, Devin burned off his breakfast playing several hours of tennis, while I went for a long run. But honestly I would have had to exercise a good 5 or 6 hours to “burn off” the sweets that I indulged in throughout the rest of the day.

Ironically, we spent all last week in WeightWatcher meetings talking about the merits of a healthy breakfast. Funny how hard it is to practice what you preach. Had I purchased a yogurt and some fruit (both were options as we stopped right next to a supermarket), I’m sure today would have gotten off to a slightly better start.

What’s interesting to me is that despite all of the eating I did today, I never felt “full” until I went to the Stop & Shop and made myself a huge salad (a bag of mixed greens, with salsa, mustard and a package of strawberries which I cut up — may sound gross, but it was awesome). There’s a reason WeightWatchers calls those things “filling foods.” They tend to be satisfying not just as you eat them, but for hours afterwards.

I’m constantly telling meeting members that losing weight is not a quick fix process — it’s about long-term healthy choices, learning to recover from mistakes, and instilling new, more positive habits. So all is not lost. If nothing else, today was a really good example of how NOT to handle food choices while on the go.

And for tomorrow morning, I’m armed with fruit, yogurt and lo-carb bread. I’m guessing that will work a whole lot better than a chocolate muffin.